Well, this morning was interesting. At 8:30 AM, I almost burnt the place down. A moment the Sims Free Play would have been proud of. I actually felt like one of the Sims, frantically trying to decide whether I should use the fire extinguisher (which I have never done before) or to throw cups of water in the oven. It felt like forever trying to decide while the place filled with smoke and the alarm was going off (baby was in bedroom safe).
See when you become a parent, you do weird things. Your brain has become like a scrambled egg. You wake up, change the baby, feed the baby, try to get the baby to play ALONE, so you can go eat, because it feels like your stomach is literally eating itself as if you were on day 2 of the show Naked and Afraid. Then your brain says, ” Hey let’s go make coffee with your new french press and then heat up that left over philly cheesesteak from last night!”
So, you get all excited and get to it, because you know damn well as soon as you go to take that first bite of food your baby will suddenly think it is dying and start crying hysterically until you pick them up and then they will giggle at you. Almost as if to say, ” I am just helping you to lose weight Mom, since I always here you bitch to Dad about looking like a small seal pup.” Thanks baby, thank you for having my back.
As I am warming up the sandwich and making the coffee; the timer goes off. I check the sandwich, and it is looking juicy and is smelling delish! My mouth starts to water, but I cannot eat it yet, it’s still cold. I flip the BROIL on and set timer for 2 minutes, a feature I thought I had become quit good at using. As my back is turned working on the coffee, I hear a weird sound (HSSSSSSSS). I turn around to find 5 inch flames in the oven and my philly cheesesteak dying a horrible death. The choice I made was to throw cups of water in the oven and once the flame was out & the oven was off, I ran and opened all doors and aired it out. The dog was very concerned, the baby was playing and giggling to herself in the bedroom clueless of course. I was shaking since this has never happened before, and possibly because my blood sugar was getting low from starvation. I cried. My glorious sandwich died. My oven is full of water and the oven light bulb is fried. Now maintenance has to come up with a shop vac to suck out all the water and change the light.
RIP PHILLY CHEESESTEAK
I still have not had food, only coffee which by the way kinda sucks. So, next time your scrambled egg parent brain tells you it has a great idea. Please stop and reevaluate that before executing the plan. Or just stay away from ovens until after you drink the coffee.
P.S. Yes, I will clean my dirty oven.
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